Awe and Gratitude

O Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.

 Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
    to still the enemy and the avenger.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
    the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
 what is man that you are mindful of him,
    and the son of man that you care for him?

Psalm 8:1-4

I could probably write about 15 blog posts for the last 2 weeks. I feel like every minute is jam-packed with information and amazing experiences. I’ve been struggling to find a way to organize all of my thoughts, and figure out which points are important to share. I could use this blog to teach you all about Hebrew words (or grammar – I think I spend more time on grammar), archaeology, or Jewish holidays. But I’m not an expert on any of those things at all.

My undergrad experience was great because I was studying a lot of things that came pretty naturally to me. I was definitely challenged, but not like I am here. Memorizing rock types and reading books about the history of the Dynasties of Egypt in the Middle Bronze Age II are not the kinds of things that I’m super passionate about… UNTIL they get connected with the Bible. Then I get really excited about them. So even though my knowledge of geology and history is significantly lacking compared to a lot of people here, I’m super grateful to be able to learn from these people, and just have conversations with them.

I feel like a little sponge just soaking everything up. In moments when I start to feel insecure about not knowing an answer or having much to offer in a discussion, I try to take a deep breath and remember that I’d never grow if I was always one of the smartest people in the room. That’s when gratitude takes over, and I look at the people around me and just think “wow… I’m so lucky to be here.” I want to spend the rest of my life asking good questions and learning as much as I can. And exploring, of course!!

So giving an actual update on my life at this point is a little tough. I took midterms last week, which meant that I spent most of my time in the library. But the week was bookended by some AMAZING trips – especially the one I just got back from today! It was our first overnight field study, and we went all over the Negev. This is a Hebrew word that refers to the southern part of the country, which looks a lot like how most people picture Israel. The picture above here is a great example! We hiked through Wadis and visited oases, and swam in both the Dead Sea and the Mediterranean Sea. The weekend before, we were in the land of Samaria learning all about the Northern Kingdom of Israel, spending a lot of our time reading books like Judges.

So rather than try to write everything I’ve learned in the last two-ish weeks in one blog post, I’m going to talk about awe and gratitude. These words have been on my heart a lot recently – through difficult papers and (literal) mountain top experiences, I want to be filled with both. When I was sitting in the library last week, I took a moment to look around at the titles of the books on the bookshelves. The fact that I have access to this kind of information is C R A Z Y. So even when I’m trudging through graduate level work, I’ve been trying to remember how cool this opportunity is.

Another point of gratitude is the incredible people that I’ve met here. It’s a unique experience being in a mixed community of graduate and undergraduate students, but it’s a beautiful thing. I feel a bit caught in the middle sometimes, since I’m taking classes at the graduate level, but I still feel like a college kid. Again, I feel like a little sponge, just soaking up all the opportunities for cool connections and friendships to be made here. I think a lot about how God ordained for this group of people to be here in this place together at the same time, and about all the things we have to learn from each other. There are plenty of amazing conversations, along with almost choking at meals because these people make me laugh so hard. We watch funny videos, tell stories, and show each other pictures of our bad haircuts when we were little kids. The best kind of people are the ones who are just as wise as they are goofy!

Needless to say, I’m grateful. And right along with gratitude often comes wonder and awe. I recently learned the Hebrew word “yareh” which means fear and awe. In the Bible, it’s most often used to talk about the fear of the Lord, but I like that it means awe too. I think that this is a seriously underrated aspect of our relationship with God. We get so wrapped up in trying to find all the answers and in understanding God, that sometimes we forget we just can’t. No matter what we do, we’ll always end up at a loss for words when trying to describe who God is or what He has done. We’re limited by language, and trapped in our own human understanding.

But He gives us creation. God reveals Himself so clearly and beautifully in creation!! That’s why my prayer recently has been that God would fill me with awe and wonder during our field studies. Honestly, they can be tough sometimes. It’s hot and we spend all day walking, so there often comes a point where I feel like I’m just trying to write notes as fast as I can to get the information down before I zone out. This is when a place that I know should take my breath away becomes just another site, and I forget to let wonder take over.

Isn’t that how it goes though? As soon as something becomes an obligation or requirement of us, we have way less of a desire to do that. I used to spend my free time this summer looking up Hebrew words for fun, and now I have 150 vocab words on flashcards that I sometimes have to force myself to study. If you had handed me an article on the tribal territories of Ephraim and Manasseh from the Bible this summer, I would have totally geeked out. But now that reading this kind of a thing is homework, I want to do it waaaayyy less.

God has been putting it on my heart to pray wonder not only over myself, but over this campus and this city. It’s my desire to see more hearts captivated by the beauty and power of who God is. As we walk around this incredibly diverse land, trying to take it all in, He’s subtly whispering to us “there’s so much more”… and most of the time we don’t hear it. Would we know how to respond if we did?

I love Psalm 8 because it reminds me how big God is, and how small I am. But then verse 4 says “what is man that you are mindful of him?” I can imagine the Psalmist beginning his Psalm captivated by an awe of who God is, and then having it hit him halfway through that God pays attention to us. That’s so relatable! Here I am, jaw on the floor looking out at waterfalls, salt seas and huge canyons, and God is paying attention to me? That’s wild.

I cannot stress enough how valuable it is to be here. There are so many things I’m learning and understanding here that I would not be able to anywhere else! Never do I want to fill my head with knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself – that’s not the point. I’m absolutely convinced that everything I learn here is for the purpose of knowing God more, and helping others know Him more as well.

I’ll sit down one of these days and try to craft a blog post that focuses on a couple of the really amazing and helpful concepts I’ve learned here, but it’s 11pm on the day I’m arriving back from a field study, and that’s just not going to happen. But I wanted to share that things are good and my heart is FULL!

Prayer Requests:

• Academic focus and stamina to work hard
• Continued community growth
• Prayer for the political state of the country
• Wonder and Awe – and an increased awareness of God’s presence for me and everyone else here at JUC!
• Discernment about staying here longer than a semester..?(!!!!!)

Shalom,

Hannah Marie ❤